It wasn’t always like this.
I came to Washington in the spring, nearly 30 years ago, filled with conviction and ambition; armed with a determination to be part of the great events that were taking place in the nation’s capital. I knew I had found my calling.
In jobs on the Bush campaign, at the RNC and as an intern on Capitol Hill, I relished the political combat during a national election year. The competition of ideas captured my imagination. I didn’t think much of the Democrats as a party, and even less of their nominee. 44 states later, America agreed.
But that passion for politics, the clash of ideas, it was never personal.
After I became a presidential appointee for Bush 41, my first girlfriend in DC ended up being a staffer for Leon Panetta – back then, the Democrat Chairman of the House Budget Committee. Her best friend at the time was Jennifer Palmieri, who also worked in Leon’s office.
Our social group was a hybrid, made up of Hill staffer Democrats, Bush appointees and an eclectic number of hangers-on. We mixed it up on politics often – on topics that seem quaint now – flag burning and farm subsidies figured prominently.But importantly, our political positions did not define us as people.
I knew each of these folks as individuals. And they were good people; stand up, law-abiding, honest folks. They were warm, funny and kind. If there was a paradigm that united us, it was a sense that we were all in the same business, coming at it from two different points of view. The foundation was respect. Disagreeing didn’t mean that we had to be disagreeable.
Eight years after I had left government service, I was honored and humbled to be a presidential appointee a second time. Partisanship was far more intense this time around.
Among my responsibilities was managing relationships with Congress, particularly those with our committees of jurisdiction. Republicans controlled the House and ultimately the Senate back then. The accepted path to success was to work only with the majority, since – particularly in the House – the minority had no real power.
But that never made sense to me.
Politics is fickle. Today you’re a hero on top of the world. After tomorrow’s election you are a loser. Common sense dictated that you reached out to everyone to ensure that all the bases were covered. The Democrat staff on my committees of jurisdiction were particularly active, and that just added to the prudence of nurturing relationships.
That philosophy didn’t mean that we were soft, or lacked fire in the belly. The Democrats hated President Bush and would do anything they could to embarrass him or stall his agenda. I was there to advocate and defend. It could be bruising, there were a lot of strong elbows.
But it was never uncivil.
I tried very hard to find common ground with both the Democrats and the interest groups they advocated for, that took issue with my agency. We were never going to be on the same page, but it did create a dialogue, and through the give and take, an understanding of where the middle was.
When my agency required reauthorization in 2003 – where Congress provides permission for the organization to continue operating – the final vote was unanimous in the House and Senate. 14 years later, I remain incredibly proud of that. And when the House inevitably flipped to Democrat control in 2006, I already had solid relationships with the people who would now be responsible for our oversight. A little advanced planning can go a long way toward common sense governance.
I still practice what I preach, today. My favorite watering hole in Alexandria is staffed by people who lean so far left, it’s amazing they don’t fall over. I’m a lone conservative voice in the wilderness when I take my seat.
The toxicity of politics today means that we don’t engage like I would have 30 years ago, but we do talk and share. But as with my buddies from the 80s/90s, I see them first as people, who put their pants on one leg at a time, just like me, and whose concerns – bills, family, career -, are no different from my own. If you take the time to learn about someone’s life experience, you can better understand how they come to their politics. That context is crucial – it is the glue that holds us together.
We need more of that, because our discourse is rapidly becoming irreparable.
I’ve been unfriended on Facebook for my failure to properly idolize President Trump, and I’ve met progressives who stopped talking with me once I uttered the word “Republican.”
When did we stop being people and become causes?
We can and should do better.
That Democrat staffer who was my nemesis during Bush 43? She’s a friend of mine on Facebook now.
And Jennifer Palmieri, the woman I mentioned at the beginning? She has been fantastically successful in politics since those early days, having served in consequential roles in campaigns and Democrat administrations for the last three decades. Jen most recently ran communications for Hillary Clinton’s campaign.
I haven’t seen Jen in 25 years. Our politics are as far apart today as they were back in our more innocent days. Anyone who reads this blog or my FB page knows my thoughts on Mrs. Clinton. But if I were to meet Jen today, the first thing I’d do is give her a hug. There is a person beneath the titles and politics. I choose to recognize that first.
America would be better off if we all recognize the person first.
Think about that tomorrow.